Last week, I wrote an article titled ‘If you have ever doubted yourself’ where I addressed the issue of self-doubt. However, I realize that for some people the challenge they are facing is how to practically move from their state of doubt to a state of confidence in themselves. So in today’s post, I am answering the question, ‘how do you build your confidence and overcome self-doubt?’ by offering four practical tips that you can implement in your own life.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, self-doubt is a feeling of having no confidence in your abilities and decisions.
The truth is we all doubt ourselves sometimes, the difference comes in how you handle the self-doubt. Those who have learned to overcome their self-doubt have liberated themselves, found confidence and gone ahead to achieve at a higher level. These are people who have chosen to live their lives from a position of strength rather than weakness and you should too.
If you allow doubt to dominate your thoughts, you will hardly get things done. Self-doubt causes stagnation and many times you will find yourself stuck and unable to move forward. If you do not overcome doubt in your life, you will find yourself constantly underachieving and that is a recipe for unfulfillment.
Let me share with you 4 practical tips that I have used in my own life and still do in moments of doubt to help you overcome self-doubt. You will become more confident and achieve at a higher level.
1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
It is said that comparison is the thief of joy. Constantly comparing yourself to other people who seem to be doing better than you will have you feeling like you do not measure up. Truth is there will always be someone above you and one under you, but right where you are, you are in the right place. So stop focusing on how you compare with others and start focusing on how you can get better and better every day.
You are enough. Aim to become the best version of yourself, not a copy of somebody else that seems to be doing well for themselves. They may seem like they speak better than you, they write better, things are just working out for them, do not get worked up about it, you are different. You have a unique race and you have your audience. Each one of you has their assignment cut out for them and it all works together for good. In life, we are like instrumentalists in an orchestra, each playing a different instrument but all together producing beautiful music to the ears. Stop comparing yourself, perfect your unique contribution.
2. Give up the need for approval
I once asked my husband whether I could do something I had wanted to do for myself, he looked at me very surprised and asked, are you asking for my approval for that? That question was unexpected for me, but it was a real eye-opener, I was actually seeking his approval for a trivial issue! I knew what I wanted, knew it was the right thing to, I could go ahead and do it, but here I was, asking for approval. Why? Self-doubt. You see when you constantly doubt yourself, you start pegging your decisions on someone’s approval and lose your independence in the process. It is not good enough until somebody else says so. This is very dangerous, the other person could be wrong or worse still they may not always be there and you are going to get stuck.
Give up that need for approval. Do not live your life on someone else’s terms.Believe in yourself more than anyone else does. If you know what to do, stop doubting yourself, just do it. Your life is your responsibility.
3. Trust yourself to make your own decisions
One of the ways self-doubt manifests itself is through indecision. You doubt your own capability to make the right decision, so much so that you don’t make crucial decisions in your life and allow things to just happen to you. Stop being so afraid of being wrong, you will grow from the experience.
Don’t let other people’s opinions of you affect your decision making. Take advice with a pinch of salt. Be authentic to yourself, free yourself from their opinions and make your decisions based on what works best for you.
Be deliberate about making decisions, your confidence will increase as you do so. After some time you will be wondering what was holding you back for so long.
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Every time you make a decision, you are empowering yourself and you become more confident. As you become more confident you and doubt yourself less, you will be able to make better decisions.
4. Learn to love yourself, Self-love is the best love
Lastly, if you are going to have any confidence in yourself, you have to love yourself. I don’t mean this in a vain, flattery manner but in a deep sense of appreciation of who you are as a person, your abilities, and your potential. Each and every one of us is deserving of love from others and from ourselves.
Many of us assume we love ourselves but a deeper look into how you treat ourselves will reveal otherwise. Do you hesitate to buy yourself something you really want because you feel like you shouldn’t spend so much money on yourself? When was the last time you took time off your busy schedule to just relax in silence and take care of your body? Have you given yourself a treat recently? These are key questions in checking how much we value ourselves.
It is important for you to realize that if you are not paying attention to your body, to your needs and wants, you are subconsciously telling yourself that you are not worthy. Before long, your brain responds by making you feel more and more unworthy and that is going to become your reality. Selflessness can only be practiced fully by those who have learned to truly love themselves.
Start holding yourself to a higher standard, respond to your needs with seriousness. As you embrace self-love, you will start acknowledging your value and in turn, increase confidence in yourself. With more confidence, you have less doubt.
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Ten ways you can start exercising self-love today
- Stand in front of the mirror and repeat positive affirmations to yourself. Develop a mantra for yourself and repeat it to yourself often. Mine is “I am a lioness”
- Buy yourself something you have always wanted.
- Start a gratitude journal, every single day use a few minutes to write 5 things about you that you are thankful for.
- Stay away from negative people, learn to say no.
- Dress your body nicely. Get yourself a gorgeous outfit, comfortable underwear, and comfortable shoes. Wear outfits that make you feel confident.
- Give someone a compliment, it will make you feel good I promise.
- Read a good book.
- Take a walk take in your surroundings, do not check your phone.
- Get yourself a massage.
- Rest, prioritize your sleep. Being well rested helps you to have more positive energy.
This list is not exhaustive, find what works for you and do it. If you are lost on what kind of book you can read, find some of the books that have transformed my life here.
I have adopted these four tips in my own life and I have been able to move from doubting myself to walking in my purpose, pushing my limits and achieving at levels I never imagined possible. Implement this in your own life and build your confidence in yourself.
As always, I would love to hear from you. Have you tried this tips to overcome self-doubt, how is it working for you? Leave me a comment below and follow my social pages so that we continue to interact as we build our confidence.
Love and light,